The 1st Two Weeks

Entering Post-Partum

They seem so blurry and far from where we are now but the first two weeks following Saga’s birth were some of the hardest for me.

I tore in three different places during labor and lost a significant amount of blood. It didn’t really set in until we left the hospital and came back home. I couldn’t walk up the stairs to our bedroom without feeling like I was going to faint so we decided on all sleeping in the living room downstairs for at least a week (which turned into a month).

I was sore and so swollen. If I sat down on the couch the wrong way, everything would hurt. The peri-bottle and frozen pads became my best friend. I hadn’t had a bowel movement since before her birth and I was absolutely terrified of that first one — imaging I’d rip my entire asshole open! Oh god. Oh god. Sitting on the toilet sobbing in fear, Daniel knocking at the door to make sure I was okay. Unfortunately for me, the iron supplements I was on to rebuild my blood supply only caused constipation (even with the stool softeners). Fortunately, no stitches or assholes were ever torn in the process.

I know these first two weeks differ from baby to baby, house to house, pregnancy to pregnancy. Mine were raw. Filled with tears because of how incredibly sleep deprived I was. Barely able to make it through a pee without crying from the stinging sensation. Waddling from couch to couch while I worked my way through the rotation of nurse, nap, change. All while trying to make sure I was eating enough and drinking water. Night after night without more than a couple broken hours of sleep. Watching every single season of Modern Family, episode after episode, needing something light to zone out on.

After a week, I asked Daniel for a drive in nature. I needed to get out of the house, off the couch, and into some sunshine. We drove to the Lostine River and dipped our toes into the chilly water on a warm August day. I nursed Saga on a rock in the shade. A herd of elk grazing as we drove back home. I rolled down the windows and breathed deeply. Daniel had to start work that week, so I soaked in these perfect moments of our new family unit.

It was such an intense vortex to be in. Feeling so sleep deprived, depleted, and in physical pain while also so elated, fulfilled, and in love. People will tell you to soak it all in because the newborn stage is just so yummy — but I couldn’t. I was a sleep deprived zombie. But I did take pictures and videos up the wazoo and I’m so grateful I did because only now looking back can I be present with how achingly beautiful and tender it all was.

My advice for those first few weeks is set up a freezer full of nourishing meals. We had 2 weeks worth of home cooked meals that just needed to be heated up — it was a godsend. And if you know someone who’s pregnant, please make or send them food. The pies and enchiladas and soups that were delivered to our doorstep made ALL the difference.

Talk to your partner or support team beforehand on how they can support you those first few weeks. Most likely, baby just wants you. This can leave your partner feeling left out, and/or you feeling like you never get a moment to yourself. Daniel did all of the diapers, brought her to me in the night for nursing, warmed up our meals, and took care of the animals. We would check in with each other regularly to support each other emotionally as well.

Two things for me that were non-negotiable during those 2 weeks were taking a shower and doing my skincare each day. They were the only things that made me feel semi-human and moments just to care for myself. Even if they were micro-moments.

I’d love to know — what word would you use to describe your first 2 weeks? Let us know below. xx

With Gratitude,
Caitlin